Drew leans over and gives Sasha a wet kiss, and you can tell the hash is getting him horny because you feel it too—it makes your teeth ache in a way that will only let up if you hit someone or get hit. In high school you’d get in fights when you felt like this, but no one will fight with you now—the fact that you hacked open your wrists with a box cutter three months ago and nearly bled to death seems to be a deterrent. It functions like a force field, paralyzing everyone in range with an encouraging smile on their lips. You want to hold up a mirror and ask, How exactly are those smiles supposed to help me?
Jennifer Egan, “Out of Body” The Best American Short Stories 2011
this has been sitting in my drafts for a long time because i’ve been waiting for a moment when it felt immediate and relevant, but that’s not really where my life is at at the moment which is a good thing so anyway here it is because despite not being where I’m at it is still a hell of a thing